Over the last few weeks I have been surrounded by grief. This weekend I have listened in shock to a woman who escaped very recently from Iraq, after having suffered through the unjust imprisonment of her husband, the looting of her home, threat of death, loss of family with no hope of returning to be reunited with many of her family members. She describes the scene to me of hearing the screams of families being killed around her in her apartment complex in Baghdad. . .her neighbors on both sides, killed by terrorists. Though she is now in America, I grieve for her soul, loyal to a false god, her eyes yet unopened to the truth of the gospel.
A friend, who is younger than me, has been told that she will live the rest of her earthly life in chronic pain (at best), one friend has a terminal illness that could end her life before most would expect, and she grieves that she will most likely bear no more children, and I have wept with a woman who was confronted with the sin of homosexuality.
Last year I grieved through a separation from my husband due to a military deployment. Trusting God to make good out of what I saw as evil has been a hard work of obedience: even after he has returned, I still struggle. This weekend, as Jeremy and I were given the opportunity to meet and begin building a relationship with a refugee family from Iraq, in a matter of twenty minutes or so, the eight months our family was separated began to make sense. I step back, and suddenly 2008 looks so different to me!
So what is the difference between someone who struggles in agony under suffering and one who is still in agony but endures it with grace?
An understanding of redemption. When God rules a heart, he rules a life and asks us to hold comfort with open hands. Sometimes He gives the gift of comfort, but sometimes He does not. This is for our good and His glory, of course. So, when I take my comfort so seriously that I chase it at the expense of God’s priorities, God’s will and God’s glory, often the result will look like an adult temper tantrum. Just like a toddler, we ask “why,” sometimes we even punish those around us with our bad attitudes, ungodly and unkind treatment of them, some of us even throw a physical fit, shouting and demanding our way. Though we frown on this behavior in children, we excuse and justify it in ourselves as we shake our fists at the Holy God who gave us life in the first place!
Am I trusting in the grace of the One who saved me, the One who is sanctifying me, and the One who will call me home to Heaven…or am I trusting my heart, myself, my plans, my, my, my? If I step back and gaze at my circumstances with eyes and heart that hope ultimately only for heaven and in the glory of God who is carrying me there, suddenly, everything is different. When I back up from my daily pursuits and ask God how HE sees the things I have been spending the most time on, often, they are revealed as worthless. The life-altering concept of the heart is that of obedience: are we willing to trade our priorities for God’s, our desires for His delights, our glory (ouch!) for His glory, and ultimately, our end (which is death, if we are without Christ - and this is proved by how we spend our earthly lives, 1 John says) for His end, which is heaven for those are given eyes to see their sin, and who place their faith, by God’s grace, in the blood Christ poured out for them on the cross.
What am I willing to trade for the glory of God? My plans, my ideas, my comfort, my money, my very life? Do I realize that the trade is actually unfair? What God has in store (here on earth AND in heaven) for those who trust Him far outweighs whatever I throw away!
This I know: better is one day in your (God’s) courts than a thousand elsewhere (Psalm 84:10). . .God’s thoughts are not our thoughts. . .God’s ways are not ours (Isaiah 55:8), no ear has heard, no eye has seen the things God has planned for those who love him (1 Chronicles 2:9). Though we suffer for a while, these things produce growth and maturity in us now, and an eternal weight of glory (1 Peter 1:6-9). What will I do today to walk in submission to the glory of God? What comfort will I lay down today for the joys of willful obedience to the One who obediently laid His very life down for my own soul?
